A Glimpse of Retirement
I love the start of the year. I know resolutions and goals are pretty much bullshit and I should really not wait until this time of the year to set new ones but there’s something so magical and refreshing about the beginning of the year. It feels like everyone is full of hope and positivity so we’re gonna roll with it.
Honestly, I’m feeling so zen because I’m coming off a 3-week end of year vacation. I can’t remember the last time I was able to take 3 weeks off. Maybe in college? God, those were the good days. Instead of 3 weeks it was more like 3 months off. I used to think life was so hard then…Ha!
Ok, so let’s rewind since I haven’t really posted in a while. Life has been pretty hectic lately. My boss retired in March and I had the incredible opportunity of having my role expanded. I was very nervous and didn’t really know if it was the right role for me or if I was going to like it but the least I could do was try, right? Well, if you know me, you know that I’m a freaking perfectionist and that failure is not really an option. So the past several months have been super hard on me because the workload has been significant but adding that expectation of perfection really took its toll on me.
I’ve always known that perfection is not really real or at least not sustainable. There is always going to be something or someone better, and that’s just the way it is. While I fully understand that, it’s like I can’t allow myself to not strive for perfection. It’s honestly my best and worst quality. I realized that striving for perfection in the past was driving the quality of my work sky high but once I had a larger amount of work to do, my need for perfection was actually more of a roadblock. I was holding up delivery dates because something was exactly the way I wanted it, when in reality, it had already surpassed the minimum requirements and expectations of the client. It’s something that I struggle with every day still but understanding that good enough is better than nothing at all has helped relieve a ton of stress for me.
Anyway, my ongoing battle with perfectionism is a work in progress but I found that the majority of my stress was stemming from that. I was working crazy hours, and for what? My boss wasn’t asking me to do that but I just felt like I had to do everything I could to achieve that level of perfection, which I never did. I really think I was starting to make myself physically ill. I was not sleeping enough, I was eating too much of the wrong things and just feeling like shit all the time. I isolated myself from everything and everyone and literally just thought about work. Finally one day I hit my breaking point. I had no energy left in me and I knew something had to change so I decided to see if I could take some time off. There’s something so energizing about being around family that makes me feel invincible after spending time with them. By some miracle of God my boss said I could take 3 weeks off to go see my family and I booked everything before he could change his mind or before he realized what he just agreed to.
I committed to not working unless absolutely necessary. Usually I’m always checking email and Teams on my phone when I’m out of office but I knew that if I truly wanted to relax I was going to have to distance myself. I turned off the notifications to all of my work applications on my phone and went to Cancun, Mexico with my boyfriend, Aaron. I had never been to Cancun so I knew nothing. I booked some resort online and off we went. He lives in Michigan and I live in NYC — aka not very warm places so we were both happy to be in the sun. It was his birthday and our first birthday celebrating together so I wanted everything to be perfect… All things considered it was pretty great but I basically ruined the day that was his actual birthday, oops! We were there for a full week and honestly, it was so calming to be there. I swear the sound of the ocean has healing properties, or maybe that was the 90 tequilas we drank during our stay. I guess we’ll never know.
After a week in paradise, I flew to Puebla, which is where my grandparents on my mom’s side live. Whenever I talk about “going home” to Mexico, this is where I’m talking about. I guess I never really paid attention to how beautiful this place is but it’s rich in culture and the food is incredible. During this part of the trip, I spent the majority of the time with my grandparents. With the pandemic, I haven’t been able to go to Mexico as much as before so I haven’t been able to spend that much time with them. For a few days, though, I went to Mexico City to meet Steph. I never really spent a ton of time in Mexico City so I’m not super familiar with all it has to offer but Steph did her research and planned a bunch of fun things for us to do while we were there. Everything was primarily focused around food, because I mean, hello — HangryMarn!
Mexico City really didn’t have to go that hard with the food. We were truly shocked every single time a dish was brought to our table. At each restaurant we would order tons and tons of food and the waiters would just look at us like we were crazy, but everything was just so good and we couldn’t ever choose just one! The first night we went to some “rooftop” restaurant that was literally on the 2nd floor (lol) but it was so cute. We had all kinds of seafood but the shining star of the night were these massive jumbo shrimp — they were to die for. I love shrimp so much and we were so hungry that we didn’t even take a picture of them.
The next day we went to this museum that is in a beautiful castle and then went shopping in Polanco. It was one of those days where everything was working out just how you wanted it to and it was the first time in a long time that Steph and I had traveled together so it was very nice to bond. We had the most immaculate brunch at a place called Eno. 11/10 recommend. It was literally mind blowing. Honorable mention to the bar at the Four Seasons because the cocktails were so smooth.
We went back to Puebla to be with my grandparents and to spend xmas with them. I spent a lot of time growing up in Puebla so I still have some friends that live there and while I didn’t get to see all of them, it was just so nice to know we were in the same place for once. We played padel at the tennis club with some good friends and went out to dinner and drinks with another set of friends. It was very cool to have friends from childhood meet my friend from NYC, though my friend’s took us to PF Changs! Steph and I were like we kind of wanted traditional Mexican food but PF Changs delivered. I swear the food was so good and we had way too many Don Julio 70s. Well worth it.
The worst part about seeing family and friends in Mexico is always saying goodbye. I act like I’m so tough and heartless but I’m such a big baby. It gets harder and harder to say goodbye each time, particularly nowadays when you don’t know what travel restrictions are going to come next. In the past, I would always know when I was coming back and would already be counting the days to come back even before I left. Things are so different now. Many tears were shed but on the bright side, I still had one more week of vacation and I was heading to Michigan to spend New Year’s with Aaron.
I was thinking that I could see myself handling Michigan weather just fine. I have the furriest Uggs and fleece lined pants but let me tell you that is not enough. Michigan gives the word cold a new definition. I have spent winters in Chicago and NYC and nothing comes close to Michigan. Aaron’s mom likes to remind me that this is a “mild winter” !!! I can’t imagine a harsh winter. The good thing is that Aarons 75 pound golden retriever, Louix, sleeps in the bed with us and he is like having a heated blanket. He’s literally a perfect angel and I love him — the dog, though Aaron’s not so bad himself. All my friends think I primarily come to Michigan to see Louix and honestly idk if they’re wrong. Kidding!
We closed out my extended vacation with a cute little getaway to Traverse City. Aaron is always thinking of things to do and places to take me. I know nothing about Michigan but he’s taken me to some of the most beautiful places in the state. We stayed at this beautiful hotel that had pools, Jacuzzis, indoor and outdoor tennis courts, tons of shops and restaurants. It even had an arcade with ax throwing section and bowling. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was a lovely way to spend the first day of the year. We had dinner at this restaurant in the hotel that was so fancy and I was not dressed for that place! I looked so bad but I blame Aaron because he didn’t warn me we were going somewhere fancy even though I asked.
And just like that, the alarm going off on Monday morning snapped me out of my fairytale fake retirement. On Sunday, I was dreading logging on for work but Monday morning I was surprisingly optimistic about it. There really is something so inspiring and refreshing about the new year that I can’t help but be optimistic about the next few weeks. I don’t know if or when I’ll ever get to take 3 weeks off again but all I know is that I feel like a brand new person, but then again it’s only been one day back to work. Check on me again tomorrow. Real retirement can’t come soon enough. Only like 40 years to go!
xx marnie
