Date Night

In honor of Valentine’s Day this weekend, I thought I would share one of my favorite date nights that I’ve ever had. In October of 2021, I went to Michigan to see Aaron. At this point in time we weren’t like officially together or anything and we were in that weird in between phase where I knew I liked him and I knew he liked me but we hadn’t really had the “what are we” talk. Aaron and I have known each other for a long time now through a mutual friend, Karyn. Karyn was my doubles partner at Chicago State University and we met for lunch one day and she brought Aaron. A lot of you keep asking and even some of you thought I met him on a dating app. Did you really think I had my search setting set to a 100,000 mile radius? First of all I hate the idea of dating apps. Second of all, I hate dating in general.

Anyway, back to the Michigan trip. I’m so strange because I go from not dating a single person in 3 years to flying to the coldest place I could find to see this man. I’m an all or nothing kinda gal. I honestly didn’t know what I wanted out of this trip but I guess I just wanted to see where his head was at and see if we could actually make something happen. He is so quiet and private (he’s probably not even gonna like that I’m sharing this story) so I never really know what’s going on. Me on the other hand, I’m suuuper emotional and expressive so he always knows how I feel, even when he doesn’t want to. We are total opposites.

I arrived in a city called Alpena. It was tiny. The airport literally had 1 gate and the TSA precheck and regular security lines were the same. It honestly took longer to go through as precheck than as a regular customer. I was so used to big airports, coming from places like JFK, LGA, CDMX, ORD. The weekend started out very low key with him introducing me to some of his friends, playing tennis, going out to eat. But it was Halloween weekend, which is my favorite! We were going to this Harry Potter themed party at his friends house and I was very excited because I dressed up as Bellatrix and I don’t know, I just love Halloween. In college, that was always the weekend when I’d party the hardest for sure. This Halloween, however, was a bit different. I was in a situation where I didn’t really know anybody and I was fully dependent on Aaron — something that I absolutely hated.

If you know me, you know that I’m a total control freak. I hate surprises for the most part and not having control of the situation makes me very, very anxious. I was at this person’s house with a handful of strangers or semi-strangers, because at this point, I had already met a few of them, but I didn’t really know what to say or what to talk about. I was also really nervous because I didn’t know what Aaron had told them about me. Was I just a friend? Was I a girl he was dating? We never really talked about it. Things were always just easy with us, despite the distance. That night I ended up feeling uncomfortable and wanting to leave, but I couldn’t. This place was so small, they didn’t even have Ubers! I felt completely trapped and honestly, started panicking. I didn’t really know how Aaron would handle my mood swings or my tantrums or my actual legitimate reasons to be upset. My emotional personality is something that I’ve learn to deal with but it’s one of my biggest insecurities. People that are close to me have jokingly and not jokingly commented on it and have told me to not be so emotional, as if it’s some on/off switch I can just flip. I was just worried that I was getting upset for no reason and comments like that have made me question my natural emotional responses. Luckily, this time I wasn’t making things up and Aaron witnessed what triggered me and he never made me feel crazy for feeling how I felt.

He was honestly incredible through the whole thing. I told him I didn’t want to talk on the ride home and when we got home he was so sweet and understanding. I was mentally preparing to have a big, dramatic argument — in true Marnie fashion — but it was nothing like that. Maybe it’s just because he’s 5 years older or maybe because he has more dating experience, I don’t really know, but he knew exactly how to make sure I felt okay again. I felt so bad because on our silent ride home I had started to look for flights home for the next day, just in case I needed to get out. I had felt so trapped at that person’s house that I just wanted to know I could go home if that’s what I wanted to do. Not the best idea because Aaron saw the Delta app open on my phone while he was driving us home. I can’t imagine how I would have felt if the roles were reversed and saw him looking to end his trip sooner than planned. I still feel very bad about that today.

The next morning we woke up and he told me to pack a bag because we weren’t coming back home until the next day. I was leaving the next day so I wasn’t really sure what we were doing or where we were going. It had to be close enough to drive there and back but I guess far enough so that we would have to spend the night. I didn’t know anything about Michigan so I had literally no idea what the options could even be. Let me tell you, I was not ready for what it was…

Just under 100 miles north of Alpena was Mackinac Island. I had never even heard of it so I truly had no idea what we were about to walk into. After that awkward car ride home the night before, I wasn’t sure how the drive was going to be and I was so anxious because I didn’t even know where we were going. I remember him asking me which lake we were passing and I was thinking something like ‘Dude, I can barely even pick the state of Michigan out in a map, definitely can’t name the great lakes…’

Anyway, after the drive, we get to this ferry station. Aaron gets out and goes to buy tickets and comes back to the car and says “Do you mind just catching that ferry?” I’m sorry, what? My shoes weren’t tied, I didn’t have my coat on, my hair was a mess, my stuff was all scattered. I get out of the car and start walking down this long pathway to some ferry to an unknown location. I get to the ferry and it starts to back away. It’s right on the water, obviously, so it’s very windy and cold. I turned around and started to walk back, still having no idea where we were or where we were going.

Eventually, we made it on the freaking ferry a little later and if you remember from previous posts, I get really nauseous, really easily (Aaron didn’t know this at the time). Luckily the ride over was short and not too tumultuous. We arrived on the island, where I got off the ferry and was greeted by horses. Apparently, they don’t allow motorized vehicles here and everything is through bicycles and horses or by walking. Like, what? We started walking for what I thought was going to be a long trek to wherever the hell he was taking me but it wasn’t too far and the destination was worth the trip, 100%.

We walked up to one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been to, the Grand Hotel. The outside was incredible. Every blade of grass perfectly cut, the colors of fall coming through the leaves. It was like a scene out of a movie. The interior was even better than the exterior. It was classy, elegant, Great Gatsby-like. Each of the rooms had fun, loud prints and colors. I can’t even find the words to describe this place so here is their instagram because I feel like I’m not doing it justice. Aaron says this place is even more incredible in the summer so hopefully he’ll take me back there in a few months.

It was the first time Aaron and I had been alone, really, and we spent the afternoon doing my favorite things: drinking margaritas with a beautiful view. There were all kinds of bars, each unique with different decor. It was truly magical and exquisite. I was supposed to bring something nice to wear and I brought something not that nice and even ended up forgetting my dress shoes so I was rocking a cotton long sleeve dress with platform sneakers while Aaron was dressed in like a suit jacket. Annoying - he is always outdressing me, even when we’re just playing tennis. I guess it doesn’t help that my style is homeless-chic, featuring oversized sweatshirts, sweatpants and sneakers. Like I said, opposites.

It was after this day that I realized that I liked him maybe a little more than I thought I did and that I actually wanted to pursue something with him. We still didn’t have “the talk” but I think neither one of us wanted to ruin the moment. It was just such an incredible trip and I remember feeling so blissfully happy and full of hope. We all have our reasons why previous relationships didn’t work and for a long time I carried the weight of my previous relationship. This weekend was the first time in a long time where I felt like I was released from carrying that weight around and I just felt like I could move on and more importantly, I was ready to. No fault to anyone but for a long time I felt like I didn’t want to move on. I felt like somehow I would find my way back to my ex and I fixated on the idea of ending up with him. I guess what I’m trying to say is that breakups suck. It doesn’t matter how long the relationship was or even if it was an official one to begin with. We form connections with people and the end of those connections affect us all differently. Some people can move on right away and others take more time. There’s no right or wrong with how long it should take and I would encourage anyone that’s not sure, to just trust themselves. Don’t let your friends talk you into dating again if you’re not ready, because that’s also not fair to the other people that you’re forcing yourself to date. I’m obviously not some dating expert but it is such a learning process and I continue to learn every day. This valentines day, tell your person that you value them and you appreciate them, even if your person is yourself. Happy Valentines Day <3

xoxo marn