Good Riddance
When we started to work from home a little over a year ago, I obviously began to spend a ton of time at home. For some reason, out of the hundreds of balconies in my apartment complex, a family of pigeons decided that my cute little balcony was the one they wanted to procreate. I didn’t think much of it and I didn’t really know anything about pigeons at the time, because like, who does? Sadly, this whole situation is like a giant metaphor for my life because I let things fester and get worse than they should have been in the first place. Little by little, the pigeons began to bring tiny branches to the balcony. I didn’t even notice it at first because I genuinely thought they were harmless. If anything, I just found them annoying because of all the sounds they make. I’m not sure if they are making those sounds while they’re mating or what but let me tell you, it is soooo annoying.
Finally, I noticed that there were more and more pigeons congregating at my balcony and went out to see what the hell as going on. Next thing you know, there are two tiny eggs in a full blown nest surrounded by tons of pigeon shit. No really, actual pigeon shit. It gets better — I later found out that pigeon poop is toxic and that all nests are protected by law here. I had to let these birds nest and my plan was to get them out once they hatched.
Ugh! How naive. After more research, I read that pigeons like to nest in the same place for life. Yes, you read that right… FOR LIFE. I tried to get rid of them by getting rid of the nest and cleaning of the balcony. Big fail because the pigeons must have thought it was like house keeping or something. The day after I cleaned the terrace, they started to build a new nest. I took it out and again, the next day they were back at it again. Relentless little shits, aren’t they?
Finally, I gave up. I couldn’t be bothered to go out and clean the balcony every single day. I woke up to pigeon sex noises every single morning at the crack of dawn and tapped on the window to hopefully scare them away. I must be the godmother to about 4 sets of pigeons since the pandemic started but enough is enough. My grandparents came to visit a few weeks ago and that was my motivation to get that shit cleaned off, literally. I bought a pressure washer, buckets, bird repellent, and all kinds of gadgets to keep the pigeons away. It took about 3 days in total, but the balcony is officially pigeon free. I ended up pressure washing my balcony with bleach and then my next door neighbor did the same with her balcony. We spoke for the first time after nearly 2.5 years of being neighbors so at least the pigeons turned me into a more neighborly person.
Now that the balcony was clean, I had to keep those dirty birds away for good! My good friend had recommended that I use a net to keep them away but the first time I tried to put it up months ago was not successful. I bought a new net and outdoor command hooks and hung that net up. I even had to buy a step stool thing to reach the top and I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared of heights. I had to put the stool right next to the edge of the balcony and I’m on the 18th floor and the stool was wobbly at best. I had to get these birds to stay away so I had to face my fear of heights. I hung up the net and went on my merry way, feeling super proud of myself.
I started going back to the office and went with the peace of mind that there would be no pigeons on my balcony when I got home. Wrong! I hopped on my Peloton bike when I got home and I was clipped in, riding my heart out to one of those intense 45 minute HIIT and Hills rides when all of a sudden I hear wings fluttering super close by. I look out the window and find a pigeon inside the netting that I had put up. How in the world this bird got in, I will never know… So for the remainder of my ride, I was stressed that this pigeon was going to take down all of my hard work. Once I was off the bike, I tried to take the netting down on one side so the pigeon could escape. Nope… The pigeon was still trying to fly through the netting that was still up and would not go through the opening. I’ll never understand.
Don’t lose faith because this story has a happy ending. I got some more outdoor command hooks and sealed up the ends of the net. The balcony has been pigeon free for over a week and I am ecstatic. #nomorepigeons
The moral of the story is, don’t wait for things to get really bad. There are simple tasks and chores that I always ignore and then they end up getting much worse and taking way longer than if I would have done them in the first place. For example, I have a dishwasher and it might be my most prized possession. I use it all the time but I hate unloading it. Why? I have no idea. Maybe because I’m a lazy POS. Throughout the week, I have lunch at my desk and then bring the plate to the kitchen. Well if the dishwasher was unloaded, then I could just load my dirty dishes as the week goes by, but noooooo. I have to let the clean dishes sit there for at least 3 days, minimum, and let my dirty dishes accumulate in the sink so then I have to spend twice as long to unload and load the dishwasher all in the same go.
Maybe that will be my next bad habit to tackle because now that I don’t have to deal with these pigeons, I have all kinds of free time to unload the dishwasher. So good riddance, pigeons. You will not be missed.
