Job Hunt Progress: I Was Not Ready To Move

When I got laid off I didn’t know what I was going to do. It was not something I ever planned to encounter, which I guess is a bit naive, but it is what it is. Being so aggressively emotional about everything, I had a lot of thoughts when this all happened, but among all the thoughts, the most prevalent feeling was fear.

If you know me well, you know I don’t love surprises because I hate not having control. Like, I hate flying because you just get on and you have to put all of your faith into a team of strangers to fly a massive plane across the globe and there’s nothing you can do about it except sit there, or in my case, ptfo. Anyway, so losing my job brought me an overwhelming sense of fear, confusion and uncertainty and that was the hardest part.

I started to question everything about my life, and I truly mean EVERYTHING! One of the main questions that people asked me was if I was going to stay in New York City and I felt a little silly answering that question because I had never really even viewed that as an option. Like, in my mind I just assumed that I would move anywhere in order to find a job. I wasn’t afraid to leave New York and when people asked me that, I was a bit shocked by how okay I was with moving. I’ve moved a lot growing up so the idea of moving wasn’t super daunting to me, I guess. I was born in Mexico, moved to Kentucky when I was in second grade, then to Chicago for school, then to New York City. The thing that weighed on me the most was that I was born in Mexico, but a lot of the time I didn’t really feel Mexican. I think that’s normal because I’ve lived more of my life in The States rather than where I was born, but I still spend a fair amount of time back home. It’s something I’ve always kind of struggled with and still struggle with to this day.

The other thing weighing on me, more than the Mexican identity crisis, is that I have spent the majority of my life away from my family. Mexican culture places so much emphasis on family, and that’s not to say that other cultures don’t but I think that it’s very special the way Mexicans value family. It’s been hard to watch my family grow and live their lives without me there by their side. My parents divorced when I was around 1 and both of my parents have found love elsewhere, which I’m genuinely so happy about. My dad remarried and had my two brothers and now they have like 5 dogs. Three of my four grandparents have passed away since I moved to The States and while nothing would have prevented their deaths, it was very hard to receive those calls and be so far away. I’ve watched my family live their lives and while I’ve been so fortunate to travel to see them pretty often, I can’t help but wonder what it would be like to be there all the time.

For as long as I can remember, every vacation from school and most vacations from work have been dedicated to seeing my family, usually in Mexico. And I loved that, but what if I didn’t have to travel there anymore and what if I was just there?

When I started looking for jobs, I mainly focused my search on New York City — just because I can move doesn’t mean I want to. It was around the holidays and the job market was not hot in the slightest, so I decided to expand my search. I was supposed to go to Mexico for Thanksgiving the day after I was laid off, but I ended up postponing it. And then I thought to myself, what if I can find a job there?

I’ve always struggled with what I’m calling that Mexican Identity Crisis and I’ve always said I wanted to move back to Mexico because I never really spent a ton of time there as an adult. That’s changed now that I go like every three months, but I still felt like this disconnect to my home. All of my friends in Mexico were in awe of the American Dream and loved that I was living “the dream” and thought I was crazy to ever even think about giving that up. People have to wait months or even years to get visas to travel there, and people struggle to get documents to stay in The States. I mean I was living the dream, but part of me felt a bit guilty for wanting to “throw” that away but I just felt like I needed to be home.

As I started applying to jobs in Mexico City, my favorite city in the world, I started getting bites on my resume. After all, there are a lot of companies there that operate in English so the roles were looking for bilingual speakers. I ended up finding a role that I felt good about and the recruiter reached out to connect. Instantly, I loved her energy and the vibe of the company. It’s a company that I am a frequent consumer of so I was excited about the opportunity. The role required me to move to Mexico City and they would cover my moving expenses and the salary was on the higher end for salaries in Mexico City, I think(?) but I didn’t know. This is when I felt less Mexican than ever before because I didn’t really even understand the cost of living. I had to text my friends to see if they thought that was reasonable hahaha. One of my friends from Mexico, who knows me super well, even laughed when I told him I was considering moving. He said I wouldn’t make it there and that I just wouldn’t like it. As much as I didn’t want to listen to him, I think that those words never left the back of my mind.

The interview process was very long, though. We started conversations around Christmas and I was in constant communication with the recruiter. The next interview was with the hiring manager who was actually located in Amsterdam. He was great and we clicked right away. I felt like I could have a conversation with him rather than a typical, formal interview. My immediate concern was that he wasn’t going to be in the same location as me and even though I am Mexican, I still felt a little foreign in Mexico City. I was worried that it was too much change at once — like new city, new job and a new manager halfway across the world. He reassured me and said that he had extensive experience leading global teams but it still weighed heavy on my mind. Like if I’m moving countries, I want to be damn sure about every aspect of it.

Next, the position was a massive one. It was rolling out a newer service that this company provides and it would be overseeing the customer support for that function across LATAM, which right now was just Mexico and another big country in South America, but had potential to expand. I spent a fair amount doing data analysis for the customer support organization at one of my previous companies so I felt like it was a good fit but also a stretch role, which is what I wanted.

The interview went really well and said that he would like to move me forward in the process. I was really excited because it was January now and I was getting ready for my trip to Australia.

A couple of days before my flight to Sydney, I was in Los Angeles and I was trying to mentally prepare for this freaking journey but I got an email with next steps for the interview process. The recruiter had told me that it would be an assessment for my technical skills and a case study which I would have to present to a panel. The way that this assessment came through was a bit confusing. There were two parts and the first part was what seemed like the assessment and the second part was like a business case. I spent so much time working on this because I thought this is what I was going to have to defend in front of a panel and I felt so bad because I was staying with my friend in LA and we had all these plans but we had to put them on hold. It was actually kind of nice to have someone to bounce ideas off of rather than just myself, which is very indicative of how I would approach it in the real world. I sent over the assessment and the deck for the case study and we went out for a hike.

The next day, I flew to Sydney and ultimately landed in Melbourne for the Australian Open. You can read about my trip in one of my previous blogs.

The trip took everything out of me and I was in shambles when I landed. As luck would have it, I received an email from the recruiter with the business case study. I was so confused because I thought the one I did in LA was the case study… Then, when I saw the deadline for it, I was so upset because it was in two days. I knew that the jet lag was going to kick my ass so I knew I was going to struggle to finish this thing. Also, I was really annoyed that it was not super clear that the first assessment was just the assessment alone, but whatever, right? I needed a job and I didn’t really have much ground to complain.

I did the case study and I struggled to stay awake to complete it because we spent all day at the tournament and you guys know how much I love to sleep. I was worried that I would sleep through the deadline but I made it, thankfully.

When I woke up, the recruiter had already reached out because of the time difference. I had an uneasy feeling in my stomach because not enough time had passed to properly assess the content. When I read the email, my heart sank to my stomach because I could not believe what I was reading. I’ll try to find the email and put the screenshot here but it basically said that they had made a mistake and sent me the wrong prompt for the use case and that I needed to do it again and send it before my panel meeting, which was scheduled for the day after I got back from Australia.

I was at a loss for words. I had already spent so much time working on this while I was in Australia and it had drained me. Despite needing and wanting this job, I didn’t want to spend my entire trip working on this. I mean I was in Australia! I pushed back and said I was frustrated with the error but was happy to redo the assignment but needed an extension. They understood and granted it, which meant a lot to me because if they didn’t understand then that would have been a major red flag, but let’s be honest, sending the wrong prompt was pretty bad and difficult to overlook.

I got back to New York City and took a few days to do the assignment. Then, it was time for the panel interview, which I was not super nervous about, I was actually more excited because I miss presenting and sharing my thoughts. I typically excel in these types of presentation situations, which still makes me laugh because in high school I was crying during the middle of my senior presentation to my homeroom class. The growth!

There were 4 people on the panel, including the hiring manager, whom I had met before. We all got along super well and found so many similarities in our interests, backgrounds and personalities. This is a reminder to be your authentic self at work. I don’t like when people say you should be like a toned down version of yourself at work. It’s like dating for me in the sense that you’re gonna get all of me and you have to take it or leave it. All or nothing! The role was a program management position and at the end of the interview I asked if there were any specific concerns they had about me that I could help address. The hiring manager didn’t love the question, but I wanted to put them on the spot and see where I really stood. He told me that he had some concerns on the project management side because my project plan was a bit generic. I have to be honest, it was hard to give it my all the second time around after the wrong prompt. My friend jokingly said that I should have said I kept it generic because I didn’t know how many more times I was going to have to do it. Hahaha. I felt like the answer was odd because why would you keep me in the interview process for a month if you had concerns about one of the fundamental skills required for the role. What’s even more confusing is that I’ve done project management since before starting my professional career so if there is anything that I have extensive experience with, it’s this.

They told me I would hear from the recruiter once they made a decision and I actually didn’t hear back for two weeks. I thought I had been ghosted and honestly, I was so happy about it. I hated the thought of rejecting another offer because the feeling was horrible the last time. I also felt bad for staying in the process for so long, when I ultimately decided somewhere along the way that I was not ready to move to Mexico.

To be fair, I didn’t know it at the time. I don’t really even know when it became clear to me, but it did. Also, while all of this was going on, I had other interviews, one that I was more excited about. I think I realized that getting a job in New York City was actually really feasible and I didn’t need to “run away” from my problems. While I would love to be close to my family, I realized I was not ready to give my up my life in New York. Maybe that’s a bit selfish, but I had to put myself first.

Finally, the recruiter reached out and let me know that they decided to go with someone else, and even though I was going to reject it if I got it, it was still another rejection and it hurt. The recruiter and I had built a great relationship actually and she asked to meet to talk about the feedback and to discuss another position at the company. When we met, she asked me how my experience was and I expressed how displeased I was with the mistake of the prompt and she apologized and took ownership. And listen, I’m not a monster, people make mistakes but in the panel interview, I know for a fact the hiring manager was aware of the situation and he never addressed it. Anyway, I have to let that go. The feedback that I received though, was overwhelmingly positive. They reinforced that I’m good at the things that I think I’m good at and they highlighted a few other things that I kind of take for granted sometimes. Their only negatives were that I don’t live in Mexico yet and that they felt my deck was not specific enough, which that was by design, given that I didn’t know that much about the way the company works.

I took it on the chin and focused my energy on the other interviews that had me excited. I’m sad that I didn’t move to Mexico, but I’m also happy. I’ve built a really great life in NYC and I have an incredible support system. Being away from my family has always weighed on me but my friends have truly become my family and my home away from home and it became hard for me to imagine my life without them.

This whole job search process has been so challenging but it has really opened my eyes up to so many different things. I’ve learned a lot about myself and what I value about myself and the type of company that I want to work for. In the beginning, I was just trying to get a job as quickly as possible. Any job. But as time has passed and the more interviews I go on, the more I learn about what I am looking for and it has put the power in my hands to push back on interviewers and recruiters and given me the option to change my mind. I applied to a lot of jobs, and at the time of applying, I really could see myself doing those roles. However, after an interview or two, there have been times when I’ve changed my mind. And that’s okay.

xx hangrymarn